Jurassic Park III (2001)
Our latest entry in the films that inspired Disney+'s The Mandalorian - written by guest writer Gaetan Pappalardo....
I met Chris in graduate school at West Chester University in 2006. Other than writing, movies, and typical storytelling nerdery, we have one other big thing in common -- Star Wars. I’ve been following Digging Star Wars for years and when the opportunity popped up to write for them, I jumped on it. Here’s my first attempt at writing about a movie. It’s high-speed and SPOILER-laden. Here’s your ticket to ride (no queues necessary).
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| Jurassic Park III on VHS! Photo by Chris Mich. |
I think booking a parasailing trip around an abandoned dinosaur island might be the largest parent fail in history. Yes, put me on a junky boat and pull me by a parachute around an island of “liberated” dinosaurs. And make me pay for it. The crew of Dino-Soar looked like pirates, which should have been the first clue that everything was going to hit the fan as soon as that parachute went up. On the end of that tether was Eric Kirby (Trevor Morgan) and Ben Hildabrand (Mark Herelik). Ben is Eric’s mom’s (Tea Leoni) boyfriend, who is clearly trying to win her over by taking her dino-crazy son for the ride of his life. Literally.
Enter the mist1. A few bumps. Exit the mist without pirates.
The cool mom friend decides to untether them from the pirate boat racing towards some rocks. I always scratched my head at this scene. Would it be better to land in the water and swim to the rocks - maybe salvage the radio on the boat? Or-- parasail to the liberated dino island of Isla Sorna? The ride is fun, but once you land? Human chicken nuggets. They decide to parasail.
Fade to Dr. Grant meeting up with Ellie (Laura Dern) and her family for dinner. She looked darn (Dern) good, too. Her husband takes off to take care of the kid. Dr. Grant has the opportunity to profess his love for …. Raptors? Maybe that’s why he’s missing out on the love of his life. He just couldn’t dull his passion for the raptors long enough to score Ellie.
At a dig-- approached by a so- called entrepreneur. Entrepreneur invites Dr. Grant to dinner promising that it will be “worth your while.” Dr. Grant is of course apprehensive, probably having some sort of Déjà vu but Billy Brennon (Dr. Grant’s young apprentice - Allesandro Nivola) accepts the invite and off they go. The entrepreneur and his wife entice the two paleontologists with an offer to pay whatever-amount-of-money to give them a tour of Isla Sorna -- check book-name-your- price kind of thing. While Dr. Grant is saying no, his eyes are saying yes. It’s just a tour. A silly little tour that could pay for his dig for (ever)?
Boom- they’re on a plane with some sketchy pseudo mercenaries with big guns who think they’re going to land and bully some wild and free dinosaurs who’ve been doing the wild thing for god knows how long on the island. Guess what, just because you have a sharp knife doesn’t mean you can cook. Anyway, after ignoring Dr. Grant’s forced I-need-to-earn-my-money commentary on some brachiosauruses, “Look at the Alpha male..” (rolling eyes) sort of crapola, they figure out they’re not only taking an aerial tour, but they’re landing that bitch. Dr. Grant objects, but gets pistol whipped from behind by a greasy fake mercenary, strategically sitting in the back of the tiny plane. Where else would a greasy fake mercenary sit?
Dr. Grant wakes up on the ground with echoes of Mrs. Kirby screaming into a megaphone for her lost son. By the way, that’s the reason for the deception. It’s a rescue mission for Eric Kirby and Ben “I should have stayed tethered” Hildabrand. Fake Mercenaries gear up and charge into the woods to set up a “perimeter.” The number one job on the fake mercenaries bucket list. Gear up with big weapons and set up a perimeter. That’s the plan. But what did Mike Tyson say? “Everybody's got a plan until they get punched in the face.” Cue Mercenaries running out of the jungle chased by … No, not a T-rex. “Sounds bigger,” Dr. Grant croons with a gleam in his eye.
They rush to the plane and initiate the take-off sequence without the pistol whipping mercenary - Cooper. On take-off, Cooper emerges from the woods being stalked by non-other than that “bigger sound.” SPINOSAURUS. Spiny is our lead dino. Just a big old guy with a big ‘ole sail with a long blood stained snout. Reminds me of Jaws. Cooper dies, obviously. The plane crashes into a tree and we find ourselves in the same setting -sorta - as the truck scene in the first Jurassic Park. T-rex playing with the truck with the kids inside. Spiny playing with a plane in a tree. The next mercenary, Nash, bites the dust when the front of the plane rips off and he slides (ala Quint in Jaws) into the mouth of Spiny.
Chase. Chase. Battle with a T-rex. Thank you T-rex for the sacrifice. Spiny is a BMF.
Next we settle into a nasty lie. Mr. and Mrs. Kirby are not rich. Not even a little bit, but they can help with some wall paint and toilet wax rings if you need it. He owns Kirby Paint and Tile Plus. Yes, plus. Dr. Grant finally comes to his senses. A pistol whipping, plane crash, dino chase and tough and rumble might persuade you that you’ve been taken. Add the checkbook bedroom talk “I can write all kinds of numbers on here?” It’s usually too good to be true. But does Dr. Grant already know this? Didn’t the ghost of John Hammond appear on his shoulder to warn him? He’s a smart guy. But smart guys and gals that need money to keep their smart projects progressing usually do whatever it takes. Addiction is a nasty thing. Whether it’s drugs or dinosaurs. I think Dr. Grant knew what he was getting into. Plus, he’s never been to Isla Sorna2. Free ride to see the dino’s again? No arm twisting necessary.
Okay… So we’ve got a hot mom, hardware store owner, one fake mercenary3, and two paleontologists prancing through Isla Sorna heading to the coast- sorta looking for lost kid and boyfriend. Let the games begin. They find the video camera, which proves they landed without being eaten, but that’s all. Mr. Kirby and Ex-wife have a “moment,” then find a giant nest of eggs. Billy is as mesmerized as a kid on Christmas morning staring at a pile of presents. He can’t resist and sneakily takes two without the rest of the party knowing, including Dr.Grant. Big Mistake.
They find the Isla Sorna Command Center and, of course, run into Dr. Grant’s favorite/worst nightmare dino. You guessed it- Mr. Raptor, who was probably tracking them from the moment Billy the Egg Thief thieved the eggs. A wicked chase ensues and they quickly realize that the raptors on this island communicate with each other using guttural squeaks and honks and burps. The group spooks a herd of Parasaurolophus hoping to lose the raptors in the stampede. Billy drops his bag (egg asset inside) and Dr. Grant picks it up - whoops. The old switch-a-roo.
Billy and the Kirbys make it up a tree (of course) and Dr. Grant is grounded in the underbrush. The raptors set a live trap with the booking agent4, but just snap his neck to go after the field mouse (Dr.Grant) after realizing that he now has the eggs. Cut to Dr. Grant hiding in the bushes like he always does, admiring his favorite dino and the way they are communicating -- sniffing the air- grunting-honking-- That’s when he says out loud, “What are you looking for?”5 I’m sure this was intentional and very cute of the writers - Kirbys looking for their baby and the raptors looking for theirs. They flush Dr. Grant out of hiding and right at the brink of his demise -- Gas Grenades from heaven.
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| Photo by Chris Mich. |
Cue lost kid -- Lost kid? Gas Grenades? Lost kid in live plant camo ala’ Robin Williams in Jumanji, saves Dr.Grant from the raptors and leads him back to his --- bunker? Yes, the kid’s been living in an old, rusty swamped out tanker truck filled with canned food rations, Nestle’ Crunch bars, and T-rex piss. Yes, the kid is a master survivor and Dr. Grant definitely sees himself in him. He lasted eight weeks on death island and somehow scored some T-rex piss -- Badass to say the least. The kid has read all of the books, yadda, yadda, yadda… He’s a fan. Yadda, yadda, yadda…...
The next morning, Billy and Kirbys decide to stick to the plan and head for the coast. Dr. Grant and Eric (Not too far from them) spy a usable boat down at the river’s edge that they can use to get to the coast. As they begin their trek down the river, Eric hears his dad’s satellite phone ringing6. He runs. The Kirbys hear their son calling their names. They run. They all run into a giant clearing with a giant fence that I’m sure was once electrified out the wazoo. Finally, the emotional reunion of the family and then…...Ring, ring, ring…..”The last time I used that phone I handed it to Nash.” They all turn around and welcome back Spiny with that Ring-a-ding-ding coming from the inside of his belly. RUN…
They make it to a small, but strong building and then that’s when Billy’s conscience gets to him. He tells Dr. Grant that his bag is bad news. Dr.Grant’s anger redlines and you can see the disappointment in his face. His young apprentice claims he wanted to sell the eggs to fund the dig, but Dr. Grant is not buying it. He says, “You’re just as bad as the people who built this place.”7 Billy is devastated, even though he pleads it was done with the best intentions. And here it is…. The line of the movie, brothers and sisters.
Some of the worst things imaginable were done with the best intentions. #word
Dr. Grant keeps the eggs as possible gambling chips if they run into the raptors again.Turns out this little building is really a giant bird cage. Well, Pteranodon cage. Yes, another chase ensues with the momma Ptera grabbing Eric as food for her baby fledgling Pteras. Billy, with pride and a will to prove his honesty, jumps off the bridge and uses the dino-soar parasail to fly to Eric’s rescue. Yes, the same parasail that stranded Eric on the island now used to save his life.8 After dropping Eric safely into the river, the parasail snagged on some rocks leaving Billy to dangle and fall into the river, then mutilated by the Pteranodon. Bye bye Billy.9
They make it to the boat. Dr. Grant feels bad for telling Billy he was basically scum before he saved Eric and sacrificed his life. Maybe he’s not scum. Just young and dumb, but good intentions after all.
Ring.. Ring….Ring…. 10
But it’s not Spiny. But...Spiny’s giant mush piles of steaming poo? Yes, ladies and Gentlemen. So, Spiny finally dropped a deuce containing the remains of Nash, which included Mr. Kirby’s satellite phone. I’ll tell you -- Thank goodness for that phone. Mrs. Kirby extracts the phone from the excrement and the darn thing has enough juice for one more call and guess who Dr. Grant calls?
And as sneaky Spiny goes full blown Lochness Monster submarine attack, Dr. Grant the Dinosaur Man calls Ellie, of course. Charlie the toddler answers and proceeds to watch Barnie as Dr. Grant and the rest of the group are being drowned by Spiny. During the rumble the spare gas tank of the boat is punctured and in the end Dr. Grant shoots off a flare, which ignites the river and scares off Spiny (Hopefully for good). They head for the ocean, but it’s time to pay the piper. The raptors cut them off and surround them. They want the eggs. Mrs. Kirby carefully places the eggs on the sand in front of the raptors and Dr. Grant uses a 3- D printed resonating chamber11 of a velociraptor. He blows into it, but who knows what he was saying in Velociraptorese because the raptors were spooked by helicopters leading a full blown Navy/Marine land, sea, and air rescue mission. Thank you Charlie and Ellie. They save the Dinosaur Man! They save Billy too. He was already on the chopper. Pretty mutilated, but alive. Billy also saves Dr.Grant’s hat and slowly hands it over to him as closure to the reunification of friends12.
Fitting.
If you made it this far in the blog, I think you’ll watch the movie. YOU should watch the movie. The acting is killer and drives the story. The dinos are always cool. We have a big part for the Pteranodons - finally. Remember those little plastic dinosaur packs you got as a kid? My two favorites were always the triceratops and the pteranodon.13 You? This leads me to the deep, dark connections to The Mandolorian. The Madolorian Episode 7 is a wild and crazy episode. It does make sense that a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away would include dinosaurs. Both movies include flying dinos, but wait- there’s more. Let’s back up a second. In Mando 7 Greef Karga (Carl Weathers) persuades Mando to come back to Nevarro to take out The Client (Werner Herzog). The Client is making life miserable for the Bounty Hunter Guild. They can’t do business. If Mando takes out The Client, he can keep The Child and his name will be cleared with the Guild. Okay….on the way to Nevarro, the group is attacked by the flying dinos and Greef Karga gets clipped with a beak in the tussle14. Of course it’s poison and he’s about to die, but The Child uses his apparent healing powers to save his life. A few moments later, Karga takes out the two mercenaries he brought with him as they were about to kill the Madolorian. Then Karga fesses up and tells Mando this was all a trick and a betrayal. He was going to kill him (try to) and take The Child for himself, but decided not to because The Child saved his life.
I wish I had the Mr. Kirby’s satellite phone to alert us to the deeper connection. Dr. Grant: betrayed by the Kirbys. He was tricked to go to a place he did not want to go to. Then he ultimately saves his betrayers' lives. Mando: tricked by Karga to go back to a place he did not want to go to. The Child saves his life. That’s it, brothers and sisters. That’s it.
Writing is thinking on paper and I’ve learned a lot by writing this. I hope you felt the same way. Until next time. Cheers.
Footnotes:
1 Not the Stephen King kind-- the dino hiding kind. Never go into a mist. Never.
2Mr.Kirby apparently didn’t know that. Mr. Kirby: “I needed someone who was on this island before.”
Dr. Grant: I have never been on this island before. Mr.Kirby: Sure you have, you wrote that book.
I wish I could insert that emoji. You know the one I’m talking about-- the one with the hand in front of the face -- covering eyes in a disbelieving way. Yeah, that one. Guess they didn't have the cliff notes in stock.
3Who’s really a booking agent.
4Impressive, very impressive.
5Well, Dr. No hard feelings, but you’re carrying our baby and we need to kill you.
6Last time that thing was seen was in Nash’s hands. Remember Nash? Right. Oh-oh.
7Isla Sorna
8Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly- He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight--And as the plane crashed down, he thought
"Well, isn't this nice" And isn't it ironic, don't you think? --- Alanis Morissette
9By the Birdy. Sorry, I couldn’t resist.
10Ready or Not, Here I come, You can’t hide. -- The Fugees
11In the beginning of the movie, Billy printed this, which fascinated old school Dr. Grant.
12This reminds me of when Short Round hands Indiana Jones his hat in Temple of Doom.
13Pteranodons don’t have teeth - Pterodactyls have teeth. Now you know.
14Anyone else thinking Happy Gilmore? Chubbs is gonna’ lose that arm.
This entry was written by Gaetan Pappalardo .
Gaetan Pappalardo just finished his 20th year of teaching third grade. He’s published two children’s books -- Louie Licks and the Wicked Snakes: Battleaxe and The Gift of Guitar. He’s written heavily about education for Edutopia: The George Lucas Education Foundation. He lives in Pitman, NJ with his two kids and his wife.
Places to find him:
Internet: www.onkidwriting.com
Twitter: @gaetanp
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